Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
