bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
