May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
