I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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