I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
