it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
