K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it because I queefed?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
