I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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