Yo dont text me then not text me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
