If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
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soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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