I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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