I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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