I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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