no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
