i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
