Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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