bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
