this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
