you traded sex for a burrito?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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