____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
