She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
