come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
