If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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