My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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