I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
