Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
