I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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