i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
