i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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