If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
