You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
