He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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