3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
