it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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