That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
