So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
