can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
