We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dear god my vagina.
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