Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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