Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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