please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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