felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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