i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
