there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My cat gives me a boner
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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