HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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