haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
