im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
