More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
