The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
