I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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