I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
