I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
