ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
