So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...