im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.