Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.