They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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