Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize