what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
