So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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