is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
