McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your cock deserves a montage
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
